The Mental Process to Acceptance
by Meatball42
Summary: Seeley's feeling very strange, and very conflicted.


"Are you angry with Dr. Sweets?" Bones' voice broke through Seeley's zoning out. He blinked and gave her a confused look.

"No, of course not. Why do you think that?"

"You've been glaring at him for nearly a minute. Did he say something at your private session?"

"No." Seeley shifted in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, determinedly not looking at either his partner or the slim young man arguing with the diner staff about his burger across the room.

He could practically feel Bones' eyes on him, analyzing, piecing together- "I'm just- thinking," he said firmly.

Bones 'hmm'ed, but went back to her salad.

[*]

"Um, Agent Booth?" Sweets said awkwardly as the partners got up to leave the room.

"Really gotta take this call, Sweets." Seeley gestured with the cell phone that had summoned them away to work.

Sweets nodded and gestured for them to go. "Yeah, sure, sorry. Go ahead." He got up and walked to his desk, and Seeley hesitated. Bones pushed him lightly, and they exchanged a conversation of glances until it was decided that she would wait for him outside.

"What's up?" Seeley asked, standing in the middle of the room. He felt adrift for a moment and wished there was something to lean against casually, but immediately shoved the thought out of his head.

"Uh, just- I mean, Agent Booth, I'd like to ask you a favor?"

The kid looked so nervous. It was almost cute- "What do you want?"

Sweets rubbed the back of his neck. "I was thinking- I could use some advice. About how to get a date?" he said awkwardly.

Seeley's gut clenched, but he flashed a smile when Sweets looked at him nervously. "Sure. If we've got time with the case, we can head to the bar tonight, grab a few beers."

"Great, thank you so much. Ah, I don't want to keep you from-"

"Yeah, you're right, I'll go." He stood for another moment, feeling unquestionably let down, then left.

[*]

"A big part of it's the approach," Seeley explained, leaning over the corner of the bar toward the young psychiatrist. "You gotta show you're confident, make her want you. You gotta-"

"I'm sorry Agent Booth, I think I've changed my mind. I'm not really in the mood for this tonight." Sweets gave him an apologetic look as he slumped slightly against the bar, hand tucked around his beer.

Seeley relaxed, glad to stop talking. He frowned at himself. "What's that matter?" he asked instead of thinking too much about it.

"I-" Sweets shook his head, glancing at Seeley then back at his beer. "I'm kind of… I've got a crush on someone."

Seeley's gut twisted again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sweets nodded, smiling ruefully. "And… no chance, so…" he waved to the bartender with his empty beer. "Another?"

"Nah, you need something stronger than that." Seeley ordered a stronger drink, much better for drowning sorrows. "And make it two."

"You got something to drink about?" Sweets asked. It looked like honest curiosity, not psychiatrist curiosity, so Seeley found himself unable to joke.

"Yeah," he said quietly, looking out the darkened window at the street.

[*]

"Okay, up you get." Seeley winced at the pulling in his back as he helped Sweets out of the taxi. The younger man swerved into his chest by mistake, causing them to stumble. "Woah, there! Easy!"

"Sorry, Agent Booth," Sweets said, tongue tripping over the words. "I think I had a bit too much."

"Yeah, no kidding." Seeley guided them to the door of Sweet's building, wobbling a bit himself. He made sure the kid had a good grip on the wall before he looked at the keypad on the door. "What's your passcode?"

"Here, I'll-" Sweets tripped, jacket dragging along the wall with a rough scratching sound.

Seeley stepped quickly and managed to catch him, sending them both careening into the cold stone of the building. He breathed harshly and could feel Sweets' breath on his own cheek. "You all right there?"

"Yeah, I…" Sweets met Seeley's eyes with an odd expression, and then let his head fall forward so their lips mashed together.

Seeley didn't even think. He kissed back, unrefined and wet, feeling Sweets' fingers digging into his shoulders and squeezing the younger man tight against him.

With both of their eyes closed, it was a matter of seconds before they began to stumble and had to break apart to regain their footing. Sweets smiled dazedly at him. "You're not gonna hit me, are you?"

"No," Seeley answered. He felt like he was floating, and his lips were tingling.

"Good," Sweets slurred, his eyes lolling about. "I don't like it when the people I like… don't like me."

"We should get you to bed," Seeley said seriously, then cringed when he realized how that sounded.

Sweets didn't seem to notice. He just stumbled to the keypad and quickly punched in his passcode. "See you tomorrow, Agent Booth?"

"You sure you're okay from here?" Seeley gestured up at the building, voice husky.

"I got it." With a last smile, he disappeared.

Booth touching his lips unsurely, then headed back to the taxi and stared at the back of the driver's head anxiously.

[*]

The next day, after snapping at two interns and finally Hodgins on the platform, Seeley found himself dragged into Angela's office.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit harsh," he admitted, hands up defensively.

"Yeah, okay, tell me what's bothering you?" Angela demanded, hands on hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Seeley said firmly.

"Cut the crap, Booth. I have psychic powers that tell me when something's up, and something's definitely up." She stared him down. "So spill."

"There's nothing wrong." He glared back.

Angela sighed and dropped her arms. "Okay, let's sit down." She moved to her couch, and Seeley glanced toward the door before deciding it would be safer to obey. And, maybe, he did want to talk. Maybe.

"Okay, I'll be honest. Bren already told me what's going on, but she said she didn't think she'd be the best one to speak with you about it."

"Woah, what? Why wouldn't she be the right person?" Seeley immediately defended his partner.

"Do you really want to start a talk about sexual orientation with Brennan?" Angela asked, the look on her face clearly calling Seeley's sanity into question.

He flinched, whether from the words 'sexual orientation' or from the idea of talking to Bones about it, he wasn't sure. "No."

"Good choice." Angela rested a hand on his elbow. "You know I'm bi, and I'm very open-minded, so I'm not going to think badly of you for anything."

"No, I know," Seeley lied. He moved awkwardly, unable to find a way to sit that was comfortable. "Okay… I- I like women. I definitely like women, this isn't- I haven't changed my mind, or anything-"

"Okay," Angela agreed, slowing him down.

"It's just… Sweets," he said quietly.

Angela gave a little squeal, causing him to look at her in alarm. "I knew it, I totally knew it! Okay sorry, go on." She quickly regained a serious expression.

Seeley blushed. "We sort of… okay, we kissed last night. And it… was great. I mean, it was quick and I was kind of drunk, but I liked it. I don't know what to do. I don't _want_- this."

"What, Sweets? He's a great guy, Booth."

"No, I know that. I mean," he looked at the doorway before staring back at the floor. "I don't want to be _gay_."

"Aww, sweetheart." Angela put her arms around him for a quick hug. "If you're worried about your job-"

"I'm not," he said quickly. "I mean, I am, but the FBI's official policy is pretty cut and dry, and I've got a good rep. I'm not bigoted, but…"

"You're kind of 'just be gay somewhere away from me,'" Angela observed.

He flushed. "Does it seem like that?"

"A little," she said with an apologetically expression.

"Well… that's kind of how I feel, I guess," he admitted. "Sorry."

"Hey, your views are your views," Angela told him. "Just don't get mad at me for being who I am."

"You know I don't. But now I have to figure out how _I_ can be gay and not…"

"_Embracing_ of the gay?" she teased.

"Yeah."

"Well I can't tell you what to do with your life," Angela said frankly. "But I guess it's like this. Do you want to suppress how you feel and go on being the macho straight guy, or do you want to take a chance on love?"

Seeley couldn't think of anything to say.

"I have to get back to work," Angela said after a moment, standing up. "You can stay in here for a while, I'll tell them all you're cooling off."

She left the office, and Seeley watched her go, thinking.

[*]

Seeley knocked on the door of Sweets' office and looked behind him to check if anyone had seen him in this part of the building. The hallway was clear, and Sweet's voice called, "Come in!" from inside.

He opened the door, and the expectant look on Sweets' face changed to panic. "Ag- uh, Agent Booth! We don't have a session until, Friday, I thought?"

Seeley closed the door behind him and crossed the room, feeling like he was walking across a stage. "Yeah, we don't. But I thought," he swallowed, "maybe I could see you before then?"

Sweets blinked. "Um, you want Thursday instead?"

"I was thinking more- tonight? At Antonio's?"

"You mean, like a date?"

The kid looked like he was about to faint, and suddenly Seeley relaxed. _You gotta show you're confident, make him want you_… "Yeah," he gave a cocky grin. "Like a date. What do you say?"

"Yes!" Sweets smiled hugely, looking totally goofy, and Seeley felt a warmth in his gut like something melting.

"Then it's a date."


End file.
